Lately, I have found myself getting lost in different art or crafting projects. Once I start, it’s like I’m not even thinking anymore. I just let my hands and intuition guide me towards a finished project.
I love art. I have loved it since I was a child. I took art classes in high school and resented myself for not going into the arts for University. I had all these voices in my head. You aren’t good enough. Other people’s voices. “Art isn’t a practical degree. Neither is Music. It’s a throwaway Degree.”, “You Would Be Good If…” and the dreaded, “Yeah. It’s good.” or “It’s Okay.” with no sign of any kind of feedback or approval in their voice. You wonder if they even looked at it. Also, I wasn’t given the resources for success in childhood even if I wanted to.
In College, I was a science student roomed with a bunch of art students my freshman year. I was so envious and resentful. It pushed me to cut out the arts and stop enjoying them even as a hobby. However, in the process of doing that, I also cut out a piece of my soul. Art gives life meaning. Creation gives life meaning. I was too focused on school to stop and realize how much.
After I graduated college, I didn’t go to grad school due to being to hard on myself and burnout. I started getting jobs nothing at all like what I intended for my degree. Plus the normalization of toxic workplaces and Autistic Burnout. I dropped hard. Quite a few years later, at my lowest, I found crochet and painting again. As I started to let the arts back into my life, I started to slowly feel alive again. It gives me purpose and means a lot to me on a deeper level than most would understand.
I come from a family of people who like working with their hands. Whether that is through Art or wrenching on vehicles and motorcycles. On my Mom’s side, my great great grandfather was a shoemaker, all the women in the family are amazing at fiber arts. My mother also liked jewelry making for a while. My brother is a great artist. My dad and my paternal grandfather both worked in the same shop, scrapping, building things, working on vehicles. My dad was a welder and fabricator before he passed. I have cousins and uncles who sculpt or paint or draw. Being a craftsman is something in my blood.
Also, I am pagan and one of my Deities is Lugh, Irish Celtic Deity. He is master craftsman. I have Ulster Scot/Scotch Irish ancestry through the great grandfather who made shoes. Sometimes I wonder if finding Lugh was fate for me. When I am creating art or crafts, I feel a deep connectiion to him and to my ancestors. Sometimes when I am doing art, I feel like they are doing it through me. Guiding my hands. I’m in awe of what comes out of it.
Some of my favorite mediums so far are painting, digital art, crochet, and I like to create my own decor or household items. I like finding things at garage sales, thrift markets, or old items people don’t want and upcycling them. I used to draw alot and I still can, but I’m out of practice. I just got a scholarship for Makerspace and I will be learning woodworking, leatherworking, sewing, 3d Printing and probably more if I can afford it. I don’t have space in my apartment for many of the machines I’d need to do some of these activities at home.
I will admit that sometimes I see other people’s art and I am immediately humbled and can be too critical of myself. I always had a hard time considering myself an artist. However, I also know that art is about the journey and self expression. Also, more than likely there is someone out there who will appreciate it. If not for the aesthetic, then at least they will enjoy the story behind it. I’m not just an artist. I’m a craftsman and creator.
I will never let other’s opinions of me keep me from doing the things that feed my spirit and soul.
