Crooked Ravn

Unbridled Thoughts of a Social Deviant

Category: Opinions, Discussions & Rants

  • Last Month Embodied Radical Change, Good & Bad.

    Last Month Embodied Radical Change, Good & Bad.

    Hello, Everyone!

    It’s been a while since my last post due to some unexpected changes and some mental overwhelm. I missed writing, but I’m back.

    Talk About Radical Change

    As I talked about in my previous post, A Reason To Celebrate, I successfully completed my legal name change, had been trying to settle into the area I live, and tried to make friends. However, my roommate had given me a sudden 30-day notice with little to know warning or communication. Well, fast-forward a month. I have my own income based apartment! Yay! The necessary documents are changed to match my legal name. Also, Some promising friends or at least good aquaintances and community opportunities have presented themselves.

    However, this change did not come easy. I was probably had my last dash of sanity and hope was slipping away. One thing after another kept going wrong until, miraculously, the day before my thirty days was up… I received the news. I had an apartment. Not a board and lodge, not a room, not a roommate in a room, but my own apartment. It might not be the fanciest apartment but it is mine. Ever since, it seems like all the things I wanted are slowly starting to line up in both expected and unexpected ways. Talk about radical change.

    Like The Tower in Tarot, everything came toppling down at once. My body and mind became overwhelmed and shut down until the seeds of change started to grow where it once stood. All that’s left is to nourish those seeds and grow. I want to focus on self care, self love, and self-growth.

    Super Snow Moon Energy

    Also, all of this occured right around the Super Snow Moon that was Leo Moon Sign, which I discussed in Channel the Radical Energy of the Snow Moon. I mentioned the Tower. I had invoked this energy with a focus on the above deities and this is how it turned out. Fitting.

    My three main deities are Loki, Morrigan, and Freya. Loki is very much about radical change, freedom, and transformation. Morrigan is about finding strength through determination, sovreignty, and hard won battles, Freya is much like Morrigan, but is also about Love. Not just intimacy with others, but loving yourself and finding yourself. Therefore, it makes sense that this would be how I would find change.

    I kept getting readings saying to embrace change, trust intuition and my spirituality, trust that the universe or gods have me in mind. However, even if I see the value in radical change and embracing those moments of uncertainty and liminality is hard for me. I kept telling myself that without a bit of chaos there would be no opportunities for change and maybe it was for the best, but I still felt that fear of trusting the universe.

    Spot On Tarot Draw

    Also, if you look at my Tarot Reading on January 28th, here, I talk about burning out and reaching a point of exhaustion before perservering. However, while what I put as an interpretation of the first card was true, I’m noticing it has a completely different meaning as well in terms of becoming ungrounded financially and in terms of housing. It could be about how my roommate and I have conflicting communication styles, needs, and triggers so there was a lot of social anxiety, and perseved selfishness involved as well.

    Introspection

    This time of dealing with burnout also involved a lot of introspection. I was actually officially diagnosed with Autism officially not long before this happened. I was doing more reading into Autism and realized I had been falling in and out of Autistic Burnout for months now. Also, I wasn’t having normal panic attacks, anxiety, and depression. It was meltdowns or shutdowns. Overwhelm and overstimulization would build up until I shut down or lashed out. I also started to look at my past and realize how many of the thinks I had trouble putting into words that weren’t “normal” were my Autism. I also have ADHD so I’m extra spicy and all of those symptoms compound with my Autism. Even with my roommate situation, it boiled down to communication issues and overwhelm.

    The burnout got much worse as I got more overwhelmed and I lost the ability to take care of myself or leave my room. Everything felt impossible. It’s like my Stamina Bar was at zero and all the things I could normally do I couldn’t anymore. I also became much more obviously autistic with lower distress tolerance. I was ready to give up and felt abandoned by society and people who don’t understand, but I’m here now.

    Moving out is probably for the best. Living there wasn’t the right foundation for success for me. It allowed me to build the right foundation for me to heal, grow and change. It took every ounce of strength for me to get here, but I am. Focusing on myself and finding peace in the universe till I have enough stamina to grow into who I want to be.

  • A Reason To Celebrate

    A Reason To Celebrate

    Legal Statement
    Legal statement. Freepik.com

    Order for Name Change Trial Success

    January 29th, 2026 was the day Morgan Ravn Reeves was born into existence, legally. It was the day I had my trial in Minnesota for an Order for Name Change & Gender Marker on my Birth Certificate. I woke up bright and early at 7:00 AM to prepare for my trail at 9:30 AM with Judge Betters. My two witnesses were theree, my mother and roommate. We answered the questions and it was a very quick process. Judge Betters approved my order for a name change and gender marker change and I was, temporarily, filled with excitement and joy. I wanted to celebrate. At my appointment with my psychiatrist, I told her the good news.

    What Happened

    When I got back home the excitedment and joy I had was put to an immediate halt. The same roommate that was a witness in my trial decided it was a good day to give me 30 days notice to move out, because he wants his PCA to move in. Just a few days ago, he was still fine with me staying till spring. I’ll share some background information on that situation.

    Background

    Currently, I am in the process of applying for disability, which can take months to years. The waiting lists for Section 8 are ridiculous everywhere and the subsidized housing apps are still in review. Due to living with someone connected to my trauma, I had moved out of the Board and Lodge and in with my now roommate. He owns his own mobile home, is disabled as well, and said I could stay until spring as recent as a few days ago. However, the night before my court date, he decided that he was going to give me a 30 day notice to leave because he wants his PCA to move in. It’s a 2 bedroom mobile home.

    Why I’m Hurt

    While I can understand his health and wanting a live in PCA, this news made it hard to want to celebrate or be joyful. He hadn’t discussed that he was considering this and told me the same day I won my trial isntead of before or after. It felt like a slap in the face. He didn’t talk to me before or during. he just wrote it on a piece of paper and handed it to me saying, unempathetically, “Sorry.” I am a very understanding person, especially when it comes to being disabled. However, the way he did it felt cold and distant. The timing of it hurt, because lately I haven’t found much of a reason to be happy. My name change gave me that opportunity and was taken away all in the same day.

    St. Louis Park Waiting List (Bring It Home)

    Later that day, my therapist told about a waiting list opening in St. Louis Park called Bring It Home that was closing soon and I applied. For a while, I have been wanting to move to St. Louis Park. I want to live somewhere with more opportunities for neurodivergent, trans masc adult, lgbt adult, and pagan community options. I want to hope this will come through. However, with the state of the world and my trauma history, it can be hard to hope or believe in happiness. Many of the other housing options hae longer waiting lists or I would only have a bed or a room. This could work but I would need a place to store some of my belongs that don’t fit in the room.

    Man Sitting on Hourglass.
    Administration Worker Sitting on Hourglass. Freepik.com

    Journey Worth Living

    I want to find passion and a community to make this journey worth living. It sometimes feels like I’m living on the outside looking in. One of my dreams is going back to school and getting my PhD Sociology. Then, I could do research and advocate for the disenfranchised.. However, that feels like a pipe dream and out of my reach, because I am applying for disability in a society that makes it harder for people like me to find the resources or accomodations to make our dreams a reality. This broken system pushes us farther and farther from achieving that goal. It’s hard to find jobs that will work with Neurodivergence or Mental Health disabilities. They may be legally ‘required’ to accomodate, but they will find any loop hole to make it sound like any accomodation is unreasonable or lie and say it impacts work performance so they can fire you. I am highly capable in the right environment and with the right support. But, those environments are difficult to find.

    Hand Holding Money
    Rased Fist with Money. Freepik.

    Cannibalism of Capitalism

    We live in a capitalistic workforce that treats us like numbers or slaves to the system at times. We do so much for so little. They make excused not to give us the benefits we deserve, but still expect us to break our backs working for them. On top of that, the more you do for them the more they way want from you. Capitalism is all consuming…from draining it’s employees of all energy to destroying the environment we live in. Capitalism turns us against each other and blames the less able or those in need for the fact that the able aren’t getting the pay or benefits they need. so we consume each other.

    In reality, it’s corporate greed. It’s hard to not burn out even if you are able, but if you are mentally disabled or neurodivergent it’s worse. They have no compassion or sympathy for getting overwhelmed, overstimulated or having PTSD triggers or panic attacks. They also don’t understand that customer service jobs aren’t for everyone with mental health issues or neurodivergence. It’s hard to find passion or a reason to celebrate in broken system where you are oppressed and treated like a flea in society.

    A Reason to Celebrate

    If I get this apartment in St. Louis Park, before my 30 days is up, I could be one step closer to my dream of going back to school and finding community and resources. Maybe, hope will be rewarded and I will find purpose. Maybe, just maybe, the universe will send a peace offering and give me a reason to celebrate.

    Blue dove silhouette painting background vector
    Blue dove silhouette painting background vector. Freepik.com