January 29th, 2026 was the day Morgan Ravn Reeves was born into existence, legally. It was the day I had my trial in Minnesota for an Order for Name Change & Gender Marker on my Birth Certificate. I woke up bright and early at 7:00 AM to prepare for my trail at 9:30 AM with Judge Betters. My two witnesses were theree, my mother and roommate. We answered the questions and it was a very quick process. Judge Betters approved my order for a name change and gender marker change and I was, temporarily, filled with excitement and joy. I wanted to celebrate. At my appointment with my psychiatrist, I told her the good news.
What Happened
When I got back home the excitedment and joy I had was put to an immediate halt. The same roommate that was a witness in my trial decided it was a good day to give me 30 days notice to move out, because he wants his PCA to move in. Just a few days ago, he was still fine with me staying till spring. I’ll share some background information on that situation.
Background
Currently, I am in the process of applying for disability, which can take months to years. The waiting lists for Section 8 are ridiculous everywhere and the subsidized housing apps are still in review. Due to living with someone connected to my trauma, I had moved out of the Board and Lodge and in with my now roommate. He owns his own mobile home, is disabled as well, and said I could stay until spring as recent as a few days ago. However, the night before my court date, he decided that he was going to give me a 30 day notice to leave because he wants his PCA to move in. It’s a 2 bedroom mobile home.
Why I’m Hurt
While I can understand his health and wanting a live in PCA, this news made it hard to want to celebrate or be joyful. He hadn’t discussed that he was considering this and told me the same day I won my trial isntead of before or after. It felt like a slap in the face. He didn’t talk to me before or during. he just wrote it on a piece of paper and handed it to me saying, unempathetically, “Sorry.” I am a very understanding person, especially when it comes to being disabled. However, the way he did it felt cold and distant. The timing of it hurt, because lately I haven’t found much of a reason to be happy. My name change gave me that opportunity and was taken away all in the same day.
St. Louis Park Waiting List (Bring It Home)
Later that day, my therapist told about a waiting list opening in St. Louis Park called Bring It Home that was closing soon and I applied. For a while, I have been wanting to move to St. Louis Park. I want to live somewhere with more opportunities for neurodivergent, trans masc adult, lgbt adult, and pagan community options. I want to hope this will come through. However, with the state of the world and my trauma history, it can be hard to hope or believe in happiness. Many of the other housing options hae longer waiting lists or I would only have a bed or a room. This could work but I would need a place to store some of my belongs that don’t fit in the room.
Administration Worker Sitting on Hourglass. Freepik.com
Journey Worth Living
I want to find passion and a community to make this journey worth living. It sometimes feels like I’m living on the outside looking in. One of my dreams is going back to school and getting my PhD Sociology. Then, I could do research and advocate for the disenfranchised.. However, that feels like a pipe dream and out of my reach, because I am applying for disability in a society that makes it harder for people like me to find the resources or accomodations to make our dreams a reality. This broken system pushes us farther and farther from achieving that goal. It’s hard to find jobs that will work with Neurodivergence or Mental Health disabilities. They may be legally ‘required’ to accomodate, but they will find any loop hole to make it sound like any accomodation is unreasonable or lie and say it impacts work performance so they can fire you. I am highly capable in the right environment and with the right support. But, those environments are difficult to find.
Rased Fist with Money. Freepik.
Cannibalism of Capitalism
We live in a capitalistic workforce that treats us like numbers or slaves to the system at times. We do so much for so little. They make excused not to give us the benefits we deserve, but still expect us to break our backs working for them. On top of that, the more you do for them the more they way want from you. Capitalism is all consuming…from draining it’s employees of all energy to destroying the environment we live in. Capitalism turns us against each other and blames the less able or those in need for the fact that the able aren’t getting the pay or benefits they need. so we consume each other.
In reality, it’s corporate greed. It’s hard to not burn out even if you are able, but if you are mentally disabled or neurodivergent it’s worse. They have no compassion or sympathy for getting overwhelmed, overstimulated or having PTSD triggers or panic attacks. They also don’t understand that customer service jobs aren’t for everyone with mental health issues or neurodivergence. It’s hard to find passion or a reason to celebrate in broken system where you are oppressed and treated like a flea in society.
A Reason to Celebrate
If I get this apartment in St. Louis Park, before my 30 days is up, I could be one step closer to my dream of going back to school and finding community and resources. Maybe, hope will be rewarded and I will find purpose. Maybe, just maybe, the universe will send a peace offering and give me a reason to celebrate.
Blue dove silhouette painting background vector. Freepik.com
When it comes to tarot, I’m not an expert and I tend to just follow my intuition and have a conversation with my deck. However, sometimes it’s nice to find inspiration for spreads or reads online. Sometimes using guidebooks or tarot journals can be useful as well. I often times look at traditional spreads & spreads online and make them my own. I have found some good online resources & other resources for learning tarot.
Online Resources
Emerald LotusDivination is a resource I love to use. She has a large tarot spread library consisting of many Shadow Work, Self Growth, and Transformation spreads. Most of these aren’t showing timelines and in depth predictions but they are showing you what to work on within yourself.
Labyrinthos is another resource I have used often. It has a great guide to tarot meanings and some good spreads. They also have free tarot lessons and digital decks if you are interested in that.
Biddy Tarot is a popular online resource for tarot that I haven’t personally used yet. Here you can find free & paid tarot readings, card meanings, certification classes & an online community.
Guided Tarot: A Beginner’s Guide to Card Meanings, Spreads and Intuitive Exercises for Seamless Readings, by Stefanie Caponi is a book I was gifted when I first started. It provides some basic spreads, gives in depth meanings, has a quick reference chart, and explains how to do a reading with intuition exercises. It is a great book for just getting started. You can find it on amazon, here.
The Weiser Tarot Journal: Guidance and Practice by Teresa Reed is an amazing tarot journal I’m using right now. I absolutely love it and it includes includes fully illustrated layouts and instructions for eight spreads-1-card, 2-card, 3-card, 4-card, Celtic Cross, Horseshoe, Astrological Wheel, and Weiser’s own Ankh spread. It also includes 208 Journal Pages and 1,920 full-color Tarot Stickers.
One thing that I’ve also wanted to do was make my own Journal or Grimoire for divination in the style of a Junk Journal. These are very scrapbook inspired journals. The purpose is repourpusing, upcycling, and collaging using old books, envelopes, magazines, paper, and bind it together and fill the pages with tags, sketches, cards or memories loose or in pockets. There are no specific rules but some people turn it into a guide or grimoire with information in it. Other’s turn it into a journal for journaling their reads. You could do both.
This is on my list for the future. I just tend to not have much left for repurposing because I already do that a lot for other things. I could do a thrift & used goods book. I found a great guide for making one and I’ll post the link. You would just make it so that it fits your needs whether that’s divination or an overarching grimoire. You can also find pages on etsy or pinterest that have all the tarot information on them already. Some can be edited on Canva.
I asked the cards to choose what to tell me for a picture to post for an example read. This is what they chose. Honestly, it’s spot on. I drew Queen of Pentacles Reversed, Ace of Wands Reversed, and Nine of Wand. Overall it discusses needing to find balance and focus on self-care. I have shown keywords, interpretations and my reflection below.
1. Queen of Pentacles Reversed
Keywords: Unkempt, Self-absorbed, Greedy.
Interpretation: I have become so absorbed and hyperfocusing on my blog, social media, trying to balance my budget for creative classes/social groups, and trying not to overbook my planner that I am neglecting self-care and overextending my energy and finances
2. Ace of Wands Reversed
Keywords: Lack of Energy, Lack of Passion, Delays, Creative Blocks.
Interpretation: I may be overextending and starting to lose energy or show signs of burnout due and if I continue I might deal with burnout.
3. Nine of Wands
Keywords: Persistence, Perserverance, Close to Success
Interpretation: This card is telling me that persistence is key. I’m close to success in these endeavors and the exhaustion is temporary and success can’t be won without hard work. I need to stop overextending myself in order to find enough balance and energy to continue.
Reflection
This is true. Between appointments, trying build a local social life, trying to invest in Makerspace and creative classes, and working on my blog I have felt like I’m overextending a bit. S, I’m going to try to find more balance between making time for rebuilding energy, self-care, self-growth & investing in all of those aspects instead of overestending my energy, time, and finances.
The tarot deck I used in the featured picture above is the Lost Hollow deck. Available on Etsy.
Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer is a Poet Laureate from Southwest Colorado. She has won appeared in many magazines, Ted Kooser’s American Life in Poetry, and has been nominated for and won many awards for her work. She wrote a poem, What Comes Next, in which she talks about longing for love, compassion, and peace in the face the cruelty of war and oppression. This poem was written in solidarity with Palestine, but its themes expand to the cruelty of all oppression and/or war.
After hearing her poem recited by Chad Syder at Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Mankato, I reached out to her via email for permission to post her work on my blog. She sent a heartfelt response back to me granting me permission. For those of us in Minnesota, she also said, “Here in Telluride we will be having a candlelight vigil in solidarity with Minnesota and name all the people who have been killed by ICE (the ones we know) and I will lead people in singing songs.”
What Comes Next, From A Hundred Falling Veils, used with permission of the author
There’s a place in my brain where hate won’t grow. —Naomi Shihab Nye, “Jerusalem”
The man in Palestine runs toward airdropped parcels, is shot in the back of his head. The military says such a shot was never fired. The dead man does not argue back. His body is carried away with medicine, dried beans, sacks of flour. How many more must weep? This world. This world with its guns and fear and righteousness. Whether or not we hold the gun, we all have a finger on a trigger. What else can we do with our hands? I want to believe in a goodness that persists despite cruelty— not a fairytale story with a wand or a genie, but a real story in which a real woman grows peaches and gives them away for the joy of giving. A story in which a man helps another man build a home with a bed, an oven, a roof. War comes so quickly. Peace comes so slow. I want to believe there is in all of us a place where hate won’t grow. I want to feed that place in myself. I want to listen to that place in you. I want us to live into another possible world, discover what else our lives can do.
We are living in historic times here in America. We are fed propaganda in order to create discord between the people while certain political forces use authoritarianism to enforce laws and military actions against targeted populations as well as other people who get in their way. This means that they target certain groups of people and use emotional language or media in order to demonize them and make them seem subhuman. In terms of Immigrants, they often don’t call them people or use their names, but use words like illegal aliens, terrorists, rapists in order to make seem less human. They even use these terms when they aren’t relevant in order to control the narrative as well. It appeals to your emotions instead of purely stating the facts and makes it easier for the audience to disregard morality. No matter what else you label them they are people. They are human just like you or me. We both deserve love, compassion, and the right to a fair trial so why don’t they? They are human too.
Using Propaganda to Create Discord
Propaganda is also used to created discord amongst the masses. This strategy is meant to make us too busy fighting each other to realize what is happening while they use authoritarianism to gain control of opposing political forces or states. Like Minnesota. We are fighting to maintain the rights we established as a state and to protect Minnesota Citizens and Legal immigrants. Yes, Legal Immigrants do exist despite what the propoganda wants you to think. We also believe in treating all people humanely especially after George Floyd and the police brutality witnessed there.
In the Military they have use of force rules they are trained in. They are different abroad than domestically. SRUF. They use a Last Resort Rule and then the use of force must be proportional. They use the lowest level of force necessary. Warning-> Verbal Command->Non-Lethal. Physical Force is a last resort. If the police & ICE are also domestic, why do they not follow similar rules? Why aren’t they trained furthur to ensure they use an appropriate amount of force. We have undergone huge changes in our police force since the incident. Now, we are simply trying to prevent similar cases from occuring from any kind of Police or Military force and their interactions with people like you or me.
They also try to get disenfranchised populations to target each other. Right now they are targeting immigrants. Who is next? Trans, LGBT, Pagan, White Muslims, Neurodivergent..they are already attempting to create inhumane policies against us. We are much stronger together in solidarity than apart. It’s times like these when we need come together the most. It’s not easy, because you worry about your own safety or because it’s not happening to you right now it’s easier to ignore and appease those who are oppressing you.
Speaking Truth in the Face of Oppression
Today at our service at Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Mankato, our speaker Chad Snyder did a sermon. It was called ‘A Talent For Truth’. While our Fellowship, is mixed faith and not inherently Christian, he spoke of an interesting passage in the Gospel of Matthew, Chapter 25.
Gospel of Matthew, Chapter 25
14 “Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them. 15 To one he gave five talents, to another two talents, and to another one talent,[a] each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. 16 The man who had received five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five bags more. 17 So also, the one with two talents gained two more. 18 But the man who had received one bag went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money.
19 “After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. 20 The man who had received five talents brought the other five. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.’
21 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’
22 “The man with two talents also came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.’
23 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’
24 “Then the man who had received one bag of gold came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. 25 So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’
26 “His master replied, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? 27 Well then, you should have put my talent on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.
28 “‘So take the talent from him and give it to the one who has ten bags. 29 For whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them. 30 And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’
What is So Hard about Love & Compassion?
Love and compassion for those affected shouldn’t be hard to ask for regardless of political association. Respect and compassion are every human’s right regardless of your views on ‘illegal’ immigrants, Trans Rights, Feminism. In fact, this is a term used to make them seem less human despite the fact they are every bit as human as you or I. Would you like it if you were in their shoes? The rhetoric against them is meant to make you demonize them as people and think they don’t deserve human decency. They are in fact people and all people deserve their rights, respect, compassion, and a fair trial under a government that upholds honesty & integrity.
Diverse and beautiful world. Freepik.
Sometimes it may be hard to have compassion for people who are part of a culture you don’t understand, but they deserve to be heard and life the life true to them instead of demonized. We fear what we do not understand. You may even be afraid to understand or show empathy, but at least keep an open mind. Be willing to learn about perspectives outside of your own. Maybe they aren’t as different from you as you think. If you won’t do that, at least don’t impose your beliefs on others or act like you know enough about them to demonize them. You can practice your believes without trying to control other people’s lives.
Empathy and Sympathy which are often hand in hand with compassion are learned traits. We need to educate and foster these in our society. Denmark has empathy classes for their children. They learn how to create a supportive & non-competitive environement. They learn active listening, how to identify and discuss emotions, and conflict resulution. Due to this, they have one of the lowest rates of bullying in europe are considered one of the top happiest countries. I honestly feel like all people should learn how to utilize these skills. They may seem like common sense to some, but if someone wasn’t raised in a diverse, compassionate environment it may not be so easy to them.
Love & Compassion Isn’t Always Easy
Those people who are quick to feed into the hate rhetoric and use it to bully may not have been in the right environment to learn those skills, but that doesn’t mean they don’t deserve love, kindness or compassion. In fact, maybe they are the ones that need it the most. It may sound corny, but love and compassion CAN change someone if it is paired with honesty & integrity. I believe being treated with honesty, integrity, respect, and compassion is a basic human right for everyone and people should be given the opportunity to change. People can be held accountable and brought to justice while still being treated with each of those values. We can’t fall into acting out the same behaviors we are trying to stop. Overgeneralizations & stereotypes aren’t good reasons to judge someone.
AI Generated with WordPress.
Love and compassion for those affected shouldn’t be hard to ask for regardless of political association. Respect and compassion are every human’s right regardless of your views on ‘illegal’ immigrants, Trans Rights, Feminism. In fact, this is a term used to make them seem less human despite the fact they are every bit as human as you or I. Would you like it if you were in their shoes? The rhetoric against them is meant to make you demonize them as people and think they don’t deserve human decency. They are in fact people and all people deserve their rights, respect, compassion, and a fair trial under a government that upholds honesty & integrity.
This includes because they are an able cis white man of upper class or whatever label of priviledge. People should be judged for their actions not their race, class, ability, sexuality or gender. Or is that not what we are fighting for? We shouldn’t fall into dehumanizing people due to their priviledge and deem them irredeamable either. According to Mahatma Ghandi, “Eye for an Eye made the whole world blind” and we definitely need them to be able to see the problem in order to change for the better. Also, I think we should use proportional levels of hostility as well. Based on each person’s actions and how severe, because if we approach from a compassionate and loving perspective we may be able to reach more people. Now, I know we need to make waves to get attention and if they are using certain levels of force we need to defend ourselfs in those situations. It’s not easy to make big enough waves to disrupt the system enough to change it.
Spreading The Truth Can Foster Change
If we spent time trying to compassionately educate the masses on the facts of what is happening, we may be able to guide people to another path. If we educate and spread the truth to our children about diversity, perspectives outside of their own, empathy, compassion and emotional awareness that can also foster change. In our sermon at the UU today, Chad Snyder also spoke of Gandhi and his belief in the power of the truth. His movement was called “satyagraha” which means “holding to Truth”. He spoke his truth and spread it both to the masses and those in power without fear. The Truth cannot reveal itself it needs to be told by people like you and I. Also, Oppressors never think they are oppressors they need to be shown and told honestly by the people that they are.
Chad Snyder also said, “Many, many people across the country tell themselves that it seems like maybe it’s going to far, but it isn’t their problem or responsibility, and maybe it is needed to save us from some boogyman or ‘worse of the worst’, and there’s probably nothing we can do about it anyway. The people under attack fear that they are stuck in a story they can’t escape. None of that needs to be true. Radical, unrelenting, complete, and devastating sincerity, disrupts those stories. Makes room for hard truths.” Speaking the truth may come with consequences, but without the Truth we can’t learn and grow.
Watch the full unedited videos about what is happening in America right now and look at facts. What did or didn’t you see? Don’t try to find an excuse to believe the biases that either side of media tell you. What ACTUALLY happened based on what you can SEE? Is that a gun? Where were people standing? How many times did they get shot? If necessary turn off the volume and just watch. #EyesNotLies is a tag that people use now on videos they post to remind people to watch and make their own judgements without listening to what the media has to say about it. If you would like to see videos, check out Ice Out. People post videos of their interactions with Ice on here throught the country.
If you have any videos of ICE Activity please check out #EyesNotLies by M.A.R.C.H
Truth & Education Could Foster Love & Compassion
Not all people are exposed to diversity and so propoganda may affect them more in times like these. However, if we try to compassionately educate those who are ignorant to the truth and perspectives outside of their own, we may become more tolerant and compassionate with the truth. Part of my childhood was spent growing up in rural Minnesota. Many people in these areas have lived in a bubble most of their lives and aren’t exposed to much diversity and only to the rural christian small town culture. Our schools don’t properly educate on history, culture, diversity, or disability and study abroad is rare for public schools. Over the years they have become a bit more diverse, but hardly. We live in a culture that teaches us to look the other way in regards to homelessness or crime and when we do look it’s in judgement instead of compassion.
We live in a culture that glorifies capitalism & media and whatever they market as the ideal. Ideal color of skin, sex, relationships, gender roles, ect. Our Media & Film Industry are stuck in a cycle of promoting harmful stereotypes and skewed representation. Based on what your average person is exposed to, it may be easy to feed into the hate and discrimination if they don’t know the truth. When I went on my D.C. Trip in High School, people would laugh at driving through Ghetto Areas that weren’t actually all that Ghetto and comment and laugh at homeless people in judgement. These perspectives are learned from somewhere. Media, Film, Propoganda, Small Minded People around them, Fear. We need to expand minds. Knowledge is power and those in power know it. That’s why they try to manipulate it and create division between the people who don’t have power. It’s like that scene from ‘A Bug’s Life’ where the grasshopper talks about the ants being able to overpower them with number. Truth, Education, Love and Compassion are their enemy. ‘Woke’ isn’t a bad word. I wonder who turned it into a bad word. Not the ones in power.
Created in Canva by Morgan Ravn Reeves
Some More Great Ghandi Quotes:
“Hate the sin, love the sinner.” ― Mahatma Gandhi
“Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” ― Mahatma Gandhi
“Let the first act of every morning be to make the following resolve for the day: – I shall not fear anyone on Earth. – I shall fear only God. – I shall not bear ill will toward anyone. – I shall not submit to injustice from anyone. – I shall conquer untruth by truth. And in resisting untruth, I shall put up with all suffering.” ― Mahatma Gandhi
“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” ― Mahatma Gandhi
Based on Biological differences related to chromosomes, naturally produced hormones, and being born with certain internal or external genitalia, e.g., Male, Female & Intersex.
Gender
Continuum of complex psychosocial self-perceptions, attitudes, and expectations based on the sociological concepts of masculinity and femininity, e.g., Man, Woman, Non-Binary, Genderfluid, Agender, and more.
Gender Dysphoria
a sense of unease and dissatisfaction that a person may have because of a mismatch between their biological sex and their gender identity. It may be so intense that it can lead to depression and anxiety and have a harmful impact on daily life.
Trans Masculine (Trans Masc)
People Assigned Female At Birth but have a masculine identity or expression. (Can Include people who identify as Non-Binary or Genderfluid who transition to a more masculine state.)
Trans Man
People Assigned Female at Birth that both identify & express as a man at all times.
Non-Binary
Someone who’s gender identity falls outside of the traditionally binary male and female identity, there are several types.
Genderfluid
Do not identify with any one gender exclusively.
Growing Up
Ever since I was a child, I felt like I should have been born a boy and wished I was. I never understood why I had to be a girl. I felt different inside than what I was expected to be, but I still wanted to please my mom and the people around me so I became what they wanted mostly. I was jealous of what boys got to do, wear & play with. They just saw a girl who had the same interests as your stereotypical boy did based on gender stereotypes. Everyone said I was just a tomboy, but it was so much more than that. I just never had the words to describe it.
My mother was so enthused to have a daughter. She went to beauty school and loved the whole dress up and make up aspect of having a daughter. I was also given dresses and barbies which I liked mainly only because I wanted the approval and attention they got me. It often felt like I was being put into a box of what she wanted me to be. If we are being honest, what society wanted me to be. We are fed gender roles from a young age with dolls, princesses, toy make up, playing house. Society grooms to fit our gender roles from the moment we leave the womb. They give positive reinforcement for fitting the right gender roles and negative for not doing so. They do say that positive reinforcement is the best way to train dogs and kids…yes, I said train kids.
I have an older 1/2 brother on my mom’s side that I always looked up to. I wanted to be just like him. He got to play Hockey, learn instruments, have video game systems. I used to steal his Ninja Turtles, Cars, and GI Joes growing up and get scolded for it. He always saw me as the annoying younger sibling. To be fair, I got banned from watching Pro-Wrestling as a kid, because I used to body slam him from the couch. He was five year’s older and wasn’t allowed to fight back too hard. Sorry, bro.
I loved going to my dad’s growing up. He let me race around on the old Valvoline Go-Cart he had got my brother. He taught me to ride bike. He also bought me my first video game system, the Playstation 1. Yes, I know I’m getting old. Don’t remind me. He liked to ride and wrench on motorcycles and I get my love of motorcycles from him. He also supported me when I played sports. Even though he still instilled traditional gender roles, especially when I was older, he enjoyed doing those things together.
Growing up I all my friends were boys or tomboys. I just related to them more. I was actually considered one of the guys by a few of them and if we’d play boys vs girls. I’d be on the boys team. I’d be playing in the mud, riding bike, catching frogs or getting into trouble with the boys. I always felt like I belonged as well until puberty hit.
Once puberty hit, first the adults act weird when you are friends with opposite gender and other kids. Also, you have many body changes that are hard to hide or are embarrassing. There becomes more of a gender divide and it’s very socially fueled by the system we grow up in.
In High School, I started making more female friends. I also started to notice I was attracted to women. Men too, but especially women. It was dismissed. During that time, Bisexuality was very invalidated and not understood well. Either you were gay or straight and had to pick one. I had some friends in a lot of social groups, but didn’t belong to any of them. I was bisexual, but I mainly was just friends with guys even if they had crushes on me. I also preferred having close platonic male friends. I was more into exploring girls. My female friends were wanting to experiment. I even had a gf for a while in HS. It’s funny how if you date a girl you are immediately a lesbian to everyone, at least in the early 2000’s, even if you have expressed you are bisexual. Pansexual wasn’t really a well known thing yet and I didn’t even know being trans was a valid thing. It wasn’t talked about in the small town I was living in at the time. So I hadn’t explored those. I just knew I felt differently inside.
University Years
I didn’t get exposed to the larger LGBTQ & Feminist communities until college. I started learning more about Gender and Women’s Studies and other people’s experiences in the community. This opened up a whole new perspective for me and words for things I didn’t have words for before. This was a period of introspection and self-acceptance, both in terms of sexuality & gender.
I started to discover my sexuality even more in college. This is when I became more bisexual in practice. It turns out it is extremely difficult to be just friends with hormonal college guys who are embracing their sexuality during their college years. Although, if I’m being honest, I had a habit of dating some who felt more like a best friend with benefits than a relationship. I was using the relationship to have friends of the opposite sex in a socially acceptable manner. Adopting the bf’s friends as my own too. There often was very little physical attraction.
Dating women became harder. There are a lot of lesbians that either didn’t want to date someone bi or wanted the stereotypical butch gf. I constantly got the comments about being butch with long hair or “practically a guy”. I mean yeah… but being forced into a box really upset me. What if I do want to embrace my femininity sometimes? I started to kind of think about my gender, but I never officially came out as non-binary or genderfluid during college.
Also, becoming a Feminist, helped me embrace my femininity and be proud of my womanhood. Saying fuck the patriarchy & system that oppresses people became really important to me. It just didn’t fully alleviate the fact that I felt like I was different than most women. I was terrified that embracing that I was trans masc would invalidate me being a feminist or that I do have lived experience being considered a woman. I even still am seen as a woman since I haven’t had gender affirming surgeries. Also, because many don’t think genderfluidity or non-binary identities are valid.
After College Until Roughly ~3-4 Years Ago
I was miserable with who I am and how my life turned out. I had spend years seeking other’s approval through my actions instead of doing things for me. I also would weigh logic over my own happiness.
A Few Years Ago
At one point, I had a relationship with a trans man. They helped me find the inner strength and comfortability to to admit that I was genderfluid publicly. At the time, I said I leaned feminine, but I was lying to myself and everyone out of fear. This was also due to my attachment to feminism. I finally experimented with preferred names until I landed on one that felt right, at the time Morrigan.
In The Last Year
I made trans friends locally and dated a Trans woman. She helped me accept that I am trans masculine. I went a bit far due to the euphoria and excited. I went straight for Trans Man. It took time to realize I was still genderfluid. I was just feeling euphoric about the self-acceptance and coming out. At first, accepting my masculinity and saying I was trans masculine was difficult for me, because of how much value I put in being a feminist. As mentioned above, I thought it would make me less of a feminist in the eyes of all the other feminists out there. Again…caring too much about other people’s views of me than my own happiness. I also have a deep hatred of how toxic masculinity and the patriarchy harms everyone. Not just women, but men too. All the expectations put on them to be a certain way by other men and even some women too. I’ve had to navigate what masculinity means to me. I had to recognize that not all masculinity is toxic and not all men deserve to be villainized while still knowing that accountability and justice for the ones that are the problem needs to happen. I’ve had to fight diving deep into being what people expect a man to be just for the sake of “passing”. I had to learn to accept the part of me that is a man.
Around this time, I changed my preferred name to the Welsh version Morgan. Historically, it’s a masculine Welsh name, but in recent years it has become more feminine. This is especially true in the US. However, we are weird about rules for names in regards to gender sometimes and hardly even have respect for culturally diverse names. I choose to ignore the cultural or historical ignorance of typical US naming standards.
Throughout the process introspection, I started to ask myself a lot of questions…Am I just a man? Am I just a woman? I feel gender euphoria from accepting my masculinity, but am I more than that? What even is Gender? Do I fit a label? Do I need to fit a label? What is the most authentic version of me?
During this time of reflection. I realized that while I am Trans Masculine in expression and lean more masculine, but I am Genderfluid. I say fluid because the levels at which I feel I am any gender changes with time and shifts somewhere within the non-binary at any given time. Like so many things in life, we forget about the vast grey area that sits between each and every binary out there and the fact that people change and evolve and transform all the time. Labels are great for feeling having a way to communicate how you feel & relating to other people However, when you expect someone to fit into the same box their whole life and not fit into a different one at some point in their life then it becomes a problem. Even plants need to re-potted sometimes. Children grow out of their cribs. Even if you may not see as drastic of physical change as an adult, you ARE still changing and you need room to grow.
I am diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria & I am pursing gender affirming care in order to get the care I need to feel comfortable in my own skin, However, I don’t fit into the gender binary. My gender is fluid and I accept the fact that I will grow as a person and where I am between the binary may change over time. My identity and self-expression will both change and evolve as I go on this journey of self-discovery called life. There is no true end to my journey there is only an end to this leg of my journey.
I’ve been on HRT since September 2025 and I’m working with my team at the Transgender and Intersex Specialty Care Clinic in Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota on getting gender affirming care. I have applied for a legal name change & gender marker change in MN. My hearing is this month.
Coming out in the midst of an era where a political administration is actively trying to take away our rights is terrifying. I was scared to come out before so don’t ask why I figured now was the right time. I don’t know. Luckily, so far, Minnesota is fighting to maintain our rights in the midst of chaos.
When you think of the New Year what comes to mind?
I think of the New Year I think of going out with friends and drinking, watching a parade or watching the ball drop on TV at Times Square. I think of all the people writing New Year’s resolutions and working towards positive change for the year ahead. No, I’m just talking about all the marketing ploys to get you to buy a new you and make impossible and expensive goals that people can’t follow through with. Sometimes it’s hard to see the positive themes hidden beneath the capitalistic agenda.
Deeper Meaning of New Year’s Celebrations
There are some deeper themes I think of in regards to the New Year. One is celebrating the end of one annual cycle and the start of a new one. Another meaning of New Year’s celebrations is the idea of new hope, new opportunities, new beginnings, self-growth, and transformation. I don’t mean in terms of purchasing happiness, but as a time to look inward and focus on inner transformation and manifesting dreams. It’s also a great time to do shadow work or chakra work. Transforming into the healthiest and most authentic version of yourself and embracing new beginnings in the New Year.
Why Celebrate on January 1st?
Many of you completed your New Year’s celebrations already. but why do we celebrate it on January 1st? In America and many western countries, we celebrate January 1st as the beginning of the New Year. This is because we follow the Roman calendar. Julius Caesar reformed the Roman Calendar to start on January 1st many, many years ago. It’s a date and celebration that has been modified by forces in power in order to assimilate certain cultural populations into their own celebrations. Yule, Christmas as we know it, Easter, and all the other Marketing holidays we know were created by assimilating various belief systems into one celebration. However, they all have very interesting origins in their respective cultures.
Exploring Modern Pagan Alternatives for New Year’s Celebrations
Because Paganism is an umbrella term for many diverse belief systems, there is no specific Pagan New Year that is the right choice. it depends on your personal beliefs and what resonates with you or what is historically associated with your belief system. It could also be what the people close to you and your personal community celebrates in order to appreciate the community during this time. However, for those curious about learning about more options, there are some sabbats, pagan traditions, and observances that could be what you are looking for.
While many Pagan calendar’s followed similar cycles, they may choose to celebrate the turning of the year at different points of time on the calendar. I mean, it’s a Wheel or Cycle so where does it truly start and end? It would vary based on what values were important to that specific culture and what their seasons were like historically.
If you are an eclectic Pagan or Spiritual without a specific pathway, you may be looking for a time of year that resonates with you that isn’t the modern marketing holiday.
Popular Times of Year to Celebrate Turning of the Year
Samhain
It is one of four fire festivals that marked the changing of the seasons and the changing of the 2 seasons in the Celtic Tradition and was adopted by Wicca as a Sabbat and The Pagan New Year.
Associated with the thinning of the veil allowing fairies and the dead to walk among the living. It is a time to honor the dead.
Yule (Modern Winter Solstice Celebration)
Takes place as a Solstice Celebration for Modern Pagans. It is timed in a way that blends Christmas, Yule & The Winter Solstice into a Yuletide Celebration in the end of December.
Represents the Longest Night & Return of the Sun. It’s a key shift in the year towards renewal and growth. This is a great time for reflection, self-growth, enlightenment and renewal now that the darkest days are behind us. This is when we nurture self growth and reflect in order to be ready to plant the seeds for change in Ostara.
Yule (Norse Reconstructionist Midwinter Festival Blót)
They celebrated their turning of the year on the full moon after the new moon following winter solstice instead on the Winter solstice itself and many Reconstructionists choose to celebrate it on that date.
It typically took places during the coldest time of year before the days start warming.
Symbolized the end of a period of ice and welcoming transformation & change.
Chinese New Year (Spring Festival)
Spring Festival & Lunar New Year
Symbolizes usher out the old year and bringing forth the luck and prosperity of the new one. It is also about honoring ancestors and family.
It exists as a reflection and preservation of traditional Chinese Philosophy & Culture as the Spring Festival once January 1st was adopted as the official New Year.
Other Options for New Year’s Celebrations:
Imbolc
Also known as Brigid’s Day. Spring Fire Festival. 1/2 way point between the Winter Solstice & Spring Equinox.
Would be a Spring Festival Turning of the Year similar to Chinese New Year and on the opposite end of Samhain on the Wheel.
Themes of hope, growth, nourishing new beginnings.
Ostara
Spring Equinox. Solar Holiday.
Represents start of Spring & beginnings of the brightest and warmest days so could be a great time to celebrate if you are partial to Spring as your Turning of the Year
Symbolizes Balance, Planting the Seeds for the Future & New Beginnings
Hags Day
Pagan Observance, January 1st.
On this day, we can observe Hag’s Day to honor the goddess as She Who Transforms. An older woman such as the Crone aspect of the Triple Goddess or a stand-alone goddess that represents wisdom, power & transformation. Some examples are Cailleach, The Morrigan, or Hecate.
Celebrate & honor the aspect of the goddess many people hesitate to connect to simply because powerful wise women are feared in our historically patriarchal society.
Focuses on shadow work, self-reflection & transformation.
Mix & Match: Extended Yuletide Season
Some practice Yule for 3 days and other’s lengthen it to 12 days or more.
Honor more aspects of their life and have a focus for each day. Many start it around the Winter Solstice until the New Year,
Take a more eclectic approach to Yule. but you could also place it whenever you’d like and add or remove days as you wish based on your own personal beliefs.
Have a day for the Yule cat or Yule lads. Celebrate Saturnalia in your own way. Have an Ancestor’s Day. You could even put Hag’s Day on there.
I’m sure there are many other potential holidays from the many belief systems that encompass Paganism that could be great alternatives or additions, but I won’t list all of them here. I highly suggest exploring reliable sources online to find what works best for you.
What Resonates With Me
Both Norse Paganism and Celtic Paganism, which I connect to most, follow the two part/season year. So, I will celebrate the beginning of the yearly cycle in Samhain with my friends. However, as a Minnesotan, I feel drawn to celebrating surviving another round of Ice and frigid Winter. Use Midwinter Festival as a way embrace new beginnings and hope for the upcoming spring. Winter Solstice through to Norse Midwinter Festival can be my turning of the year. Thank the Dark and the Ice for what they teach me during my period of reflection and gain enlightenment from my reflections with the coming of the new light and renewal.
I’m also a huge fan of shadow work so Hag’s Day speaks out to me. The Cailleach, The Morrigan, and all the other crones or hags are great examples of wisdom, power and transformation. Celebrating Hag’s day to honor both shadow work and mature wise and powerful women seems like a win-win.
